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#7 - Garlicky Greens Contest Video

Hey Everyone,

Going into the garlicky green contest, we were confident. Who could beat us in eating? Or, at least, who could beat Anthony?

He used to weigh 275 pounds, he used to drink two gallons of milk before bed every night, and he has an uncle who shoved food down his throat like he was fattening a hog for a Thanksgiving dinner.

"Eat up, eat up, eat up, my nephews." Uncle Faris' words still torment our dreams.

We had been trained to eat by the best. We had been force fed burger after burger.

Us: "We can't eat any more Uncle Faris. Come on, we're going to throw up."

Uncle Faris: "Eat these last three burgers or I am never cooking for you again. You need to grow."

Us: "But we're 25. We can't grow any more"

Uncle Faris: "You want to insult an old man? I spent 16 hours making this meal for you and I threw my back out grilling the 15 pounds of beef."

Us: "Oh, for the love of god, you're really $&%ed up. This is torture."

Uncle Faris: "Eat your food and shut up. Hit 'em and hit 'em hard."

Us: "Hit 'em and hit 'em hard? What the hell does that mean. Honestly, why would you say that? We're eating dinner."

We would lower our heads and try in vain to ready our full stomachs for another onslaught of the best burger meat money could buy.

So, going into this competition, we had no worries. You can't beat us at our own game, right?

As usual, we were wrong... very, very wrong.

A young woman by the name of Alice Rouse took more than our beautiful championship belt. She took more than a lifetime supply of free food. That 4'10", 100 pound vegetarian took our pride.

She took our pride and left us with shame and a gnawing pain that hurts like finding out that your girlfriend left you for our grill-man, Cremildo, who routinely strikes up conversation with female patrons by asking intriguing questions like: "Do you like rain?" or random statements like: "I like mountain lions." 

It's a pain that hurts even worse than receiving customer feedback that we should stop acting like "embarrassing doofuses" (source: b.good customer email, 8/2/04). Oh yeah, we were called "embarrassing doofuses".

And it's a pain that we'll carry with us for the rest of our lives since we were stupid enough to wager free food for life.

Oh, the shame. We feel like we are no longer men. We feel like some kind of weird, little rodent that can't eat.

To see the painful footage, click on http://www.bgood.com/garlickygreens.php

Now, while we must spend the next 12 months enduring flashbacks of the worst 5 minutes in this business' young history, we find solace in 1 thing -- redemption.

Champions are made in the off-season. That's why we've already opened training camp in Anthony's basement apartment. Anthony has been setting the tone early with innovative late-night work-outs that combine laying on a couch while watching science fiction movies and stuffing his face with Entenman's coffee cakes and those little orange circus peanuts (those are good). Ten coffee cakes and 50 circus peanuts a night is his goal. (They are low-carb coffee cakes since we do own a healthy fast-food restaurant.)

We will not lose again.

And in anticipation of our impending victory in 2005, we want to celebrate with you, our most important customers. Thursday night, August 26th, come on in and eat free b.good burgers loaded with garlicky greens anytime from 5pm to 11pm. Just print out this email and bring it with you Thursday night.

As always, if you know anyone crazy enough to want to receive this newsletter or anyone who just wants the free food that comes with it, forward them this email and tell them to sign up at our website.

Anthony & Jon

To catch up with our past newletters go here: http://www.bgood.com/ournewsletter.php